


Fortress (Missing Scene from Heroes, II)

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s07e18 Heroes (2), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:47:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The complete lack of sympathy toward Daniel always bothers me when I see this episode. I’m gonna pretend it was his choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fortress (Missing Scene from Heroes, II)

**Author's Note:**

> I went hunting for this old personal favorite after Mag posted some excellent artwork from this episode.

They went to each other for comfort. I understand that, I really do. I just don’t know if they understand why I can’t.

I had checked on Jack and the doctor told me he was going to be fine. The problem was, I didn’t know this doctor, I didn’t know if I could trust him. So I ask Toni and she smiled with her eyes red and swollen from crying and said that Jack was going to be fine. 

Part of me refuses to believe Janet is dead. To prove it to myself, I go to the morgue. They had cleaned her up, so I wouldn’t have to see the black streaks from the staff weapon. Like I was ever gonna forget that. I sit and talk to her for a long time. Until someone comes and tells me I have to leave. So I do. 

I leave the morgue and the base. I leave Jack and Sam and Teal’c and everyone who wants me to talk about my feelings. I simply can’t talk about her or think about her or remember her. It’s either shut down or break down and the latter is not a viable option. 

After I get home, my phone rings constantly. I check the ID but I don’t answer it. Sam calls, once from base and four times from home. I don’t call her back. Teal’c calls three times from base. I don’t call him back, either.

If it had been the president himself, I’m not one hundred percent sure I would have picked it up for him. I’m lucky that Jack is still in the infirmary; he would have landed on my doorstep right about now.

In the bathroom, I find the sleeping pills that Janet had given me several months earlier when I had busted a rib and couldn’t find a comfortable way to sleep. I take a shower and down two pills, praying that I could get some sleep. I remember to turn off the ringer on the bedside phone. I could still hear the one in the living room, if I had to answer it.

 

I actually get a few hours of sleep that night. In the morning, I call General Hammond and he gives me the information on Janet’s service and that Jack is being released. Before I could ask, the general gives me the rest of the week off. SG1 is on stand down anyway, while Jack’s out of commission. When he asks me how I am, I do what comes naturally. I lie and say I’m fine.

I take a shower and get my black suit out of the closet and lay it out to take to the cleaners, then pack a bag. My phone starts ringing as I get dressed. I squint at the number. Yeah, Jack, right on time. It’s still ringing when I walk out the door. I drop the suit off, stop to gas up, hit the ATM and take the first road out of town; not even caring in what direction I’m headed. 

My cell phone starts up after that. Jack first, naturally, then Sam. I expected both of them. The next one takes me by surprise and I pull over to answer it. “Hi.” 

“Daniel, where are you? Everyone is worried sick over you.”

“I’m fine, Cassie. How are you?”

“Um, not good. But you know that, don’t you? So, hiding out?”

“I thought it best.” I get out of the Jeep and walk around the front, pulling my jacket tighter around me. I hadn’t realized how cold it had gotten. Where the hell had the summer gone?

“Well, it’s not. Come home, Daniel. Please? Jack’s having a wake for Mom at his house tonight. Your presence is required. His words not mine.”

“Cassie, I appreciate that but I don’t really think....”

“Daniel?” I can just see him snatching the phone out of her hand.

I should have realized that Jack had put Cassie up to calling, knowing she would be the one person I couldn’t ignore. I gently push the end button and lay the phone on the passenger seat as I get back in the Jeep. It starts ringing again as I pull back onto the road. I know it’s Jack.

I just let it ring.

 

There are a lot of nice places in the mountains where you can rent a cabin and be left the hell alone. I pay for three days, knowing I would be leaving very early on the last day in order to make it back for the memorial service. They told me just to drop the key in their mailbox when I had to leave. God bless these simple, trusting folks. I think I used to be like that, about a hundred years ago.

I sleep most of the rest of the first day. I had remembered to bring the sleeping pills with me, in case I needed them. I didn’t that first night, I guess I was just exhausted.

The second day I mostly hike around the woods, and manage to find my way back to the cabin without getting lost or anything. Jack would be… I shy away from thinking about Jack or the SGC. I have to put that behind me so I can be strong for tomorrow. 

I make myself a sandwich and a big pot of coffee. I manage to eat almost the entire sandwich, but naturally I finish the whole pot. If Janet could see me, she’d....I shut my mind down again. 

I wonder what it would be like to just break down, but the habit is too firmly ingrained. I simply can’t. What I do is take my coffee out on the porch, prop my boots up on the railing and watch the sun set.

 

I head out around dawn on that third day. I stop for coffee and force myself to eat a little something. I make it to The Springs with about an hour to spare. Gives me just enough time to pick up my suit and get ready. I unpack and take a shower. Looking at my caller ID, I realize that it was simply full of calls. Jack had quit calling; he realized I wasn’t home. But Sam and Teal’c and even some other people had.

I wince when I realize one of the calls had come from General Hammond’s home number. I immediately pick the phone up and call him at the base. 

He was concerned because I had been out of touch and I find myself apologizing for worrying him. “I wasn’t the only one who was worried, Dr. Jackson.” He pauses. “We missed you at the wake.”

“I couldn’t, General, I hope you understand that.”

“I understand that, son. And I hope you understand that my door is always open, when you need me.”

I thank him and agree to meet him in his office. I put on the suit that Sam and Janet helped me pick out, swearing that I looked sexy in it. I attributed that to the fact that we were all stupidly drunk that night. I do the gangster look that Janet always liked. Black on black on black.

I sigh as I look in the mirror. I think I’ll burn this suit after today, I really can’t see myself ever being able to wear it again.

 

I time my arrival at the base within fifteen minutes of the service, taking the furthest route I can find to the general’s office. I just don’t want to see anyone I know today. Really kinda hard, since I know everyone on the base. But the few people I do see, just smile slightly, sadly, and go about their business.

I knock softly on his door and slip in when he answers. “Dr. Jackson, I’m glad you’re here, I was just going down.” I know he is looking me over, trying to determine how I really am. I try to smile and follow him and Walter into the gateroom. 

I don’t even look over at my team; I can’t bring myself to meet their eyes. I want neither sympathy nor censure. What I want is for someone to tell me that this is not really happening. We are not standing here talking about Janet like she’s never coming back. I stand there behind the wall I’ve built, but it’s the only way I can get through this. I just let my mind go blank.

I glance at Sam as she walks up the ramp, but drop my eyes when she turns. I let her words wash over me, I hear her say my name when she is talking about the lives that Janet saved. Pity she couldn’t have saved one more.

 

As soon as the service is over, I shoot out the door behind me. I know Jack is after me, and I just can’t talk to him right now. He thinks he will catch me, but I’m younger than he is and I can still do the stairs. 

I catch the far elevator and am up top while he is probably still trying to find me. I fly through the checkpoints, knowing that by now Jack has probably figured me out and is even now trying to have me stopped. But I’m already gone.

I also know he will run me to ground and make me talk. I don’t know how to make him understand that I can’t. After all these years together, they need to be close, to comfort each other. And they want me in that circle of comfort. But I don’t want comfort. I want to hang on to my grief, my sadness.

With the exception of Sam, I have spent more time with Janet than with any woman in my whole life. I have loved her and relied on her in ways that even I cannot begin to fathom. In ways that I never have before, and probably never will again. I can’t reconcile myself to that. Not yet.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will answer the phone and talk to my friends and act like I am okay. But not today.

 

I rush home to change and rush back out. I go to one of my favorite places, a bookstore. Not the one I usually frequent, but one that is a bit further afield. 

I get a very large cup of coffee, a good book and a comfortable chair. And think I’m home free. Therefore, I am very shocked when minutes later, I feel someone flopping down in the chair opposite me. 

I glance up and frown when I see Jack sitting there, still in his dress blues, with a magazine in his hands. With a sigh, I reach over and turn the magazine right side up. I look up and meet those eyes. I know I will have to talk eventually, but I think I’ll make him work for it. 

It’s what I would have done to her.


End file.
